Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
