I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize