apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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