I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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