why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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