Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
