Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
smell my finger.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
