i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
high people should be assigned attendants
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
