so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
