Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
