Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
