She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
