um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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