Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
