someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize