it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
