did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
