you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
