Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
