Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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