things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
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