not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
