I wish my penis had an off switch
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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