Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
