was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize