Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
