After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i dont even know how to be here
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
