when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
