She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
