I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
