i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
