my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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