No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
