he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize