So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
