I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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