i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
