Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The power of my boobs compel you
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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