So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
