I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize