Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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