You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
