thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
