omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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