making cat noises will not fix the situation.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
