I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
