ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
