I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
