Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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