hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
