i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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