nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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