so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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