Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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