we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
