My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
