You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
