When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
