then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
