She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It was confusing and full of hummus
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
