This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
