i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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