My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
