before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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