theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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