There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
