beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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