So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
