It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
