As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
