Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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