I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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