I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
