She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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