if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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