Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
