i just wanna soil my oats bro
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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