Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Randomize
