Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
